Nighttime Strategist Pillows

'So, here is the scam: You keep them awake at night so I can make a killing in the morning selling coffees...'

"I'm just going to ring the doorbell so I have a chance of a spot in the bed."

Janey then realized that babysitting isn't easy...

"Stag poker"

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

Pull and all nighter...

"Goodnight, Dan, you handsome devil!"

Baseball Dreams

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'Sorry!...Recalculating.'

"I can't cook, but I can pay."

"You'll come? Great." "The Hendersons will be too." "We'll kill them at poker." "Phil and Edna, planning a murder for later that night."

"It would keep me awake all night, but I'm up for a game of coffee pong first thing in the morning."

'My mom won't let me play 'Merchants of Mayhem.' I tried, but she's a game changer.'

"Must you bring your work to bed?"

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

'Here's the secret to a profitable 99-cent pint night - 14 ounces of foam, 2 ounces of beer.'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

'There are four reasons for him to cry...he's hungry, he's wet, a pin is sticking him, or he wants to wake you up from a sound sleep.'

"The secret to my productivity is sleeping when everyone is awake."

"See you in the morning."

'His last breakthrough came in a dream.'

"Do we have to go Dutch tonight, Arnie? I fancy a Chinese."

'We just have to win this account, Barbara and I have another litter on the way!'

The night-shift had an ingenious way of staying awake during the long nights!

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

"I can't decide whether to nap right now or in ten minutes."

"Do you have anything that would make him seem a lot more attractive?"

'I've completely forgotten what fourth gear's for.'

"I'm not 'looking to further my toxic agenda' I'm just telling you it's your bedtime."

Suggestion box attached to headboard on bed

"Did I remember to lock the dungeon?"

'I thought I'd be more tired this evening. I didn't fall asleep 'til 2:30 this afternoon!'

"Star light star bright please let me wake up tomorrow and be a cat so I can sleep more and won't get my heart broken so much."

"Here's the plan. I use white noise to cover your snoring and you use earplugs to cover the white noise."