Nighttime Bidder Gifts

E-Baying @ The Moon

"No, four glasses of water was enough. . . now I have to go to the bathroom!"

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

Auctioneer: 'Sold to the lady whose husband just walked out!'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

'But I'm not tired yet!!!'

The Uncle Vinnie Insomnia Open

'Enough EBAY already!'

'You've become unbearable since you started working in that betting shop!'

'Sold! $287,500 to bidder #349!'

"Tonight the covers stay on my side."

Carpe Noctem - Seize the Night

'Sweet dreams Darling: Have a good day...'

Health Centre/All Night Stress Counselling

Auctioneer upside down so he can read bid number

"I brought this electric guitar on ebay last week."

'I forgot my keys!'

'That sneeze bid in a used bull-dozer!'

Auctioneer of the Year: Edward Hammerhands.

"Here's the plan. I use white noise to cover your snoring and you use earplugs to cover the white noise."

'I'm getting kind of tired of working so much at night.'

Going, Going, Gone to Lunch.

Antiques: Out Bidding

"Sold to the man with the itchy ear."

'I know it's late, but if you want to sell your house I have to show it when it's convenient to the buyers.'

P. Watkins Auctioneer: Going, Going, Gone.

Online auction.

"Of course I talk in my sleep it's the only chance I get."

"The next time he suddenly decides to send a peace missive to thirty-seven nations, I hope he gets started before six o'clock."

"They claim he's so good, he could get people to bid on roadkill."

"I've finally found my calling..."

'-and what bargains are you two gentlemen queuing for?'