Nightmare Whisperer Pillows

Monster Realtor

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Your shoe's untied.'

The Worm Charmer

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Wolf Karaoke

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

'Do worms feel pain? Of course not! As a matter of fact...'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'I could eat you.'

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Sorry, I only eat organic, fair-trade, shade-grown, biodynamic, raw dirt.

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"Earthworms are good guys, and birds are good guys—that's just life, honey."

"Yeah, birds are bad, but fishermen are the worst: they first stab you with a hook, then drown you to finish you off. . ."

"At first I was a bit worried about the comeback of wolves in Europe. But I must admit that they had adapted well to living together with humans!"

'Where are you going?'

Snake with 'toxic' sign around it's neck.

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'