Nightmare Whisperer Pillows

Monster Realtor

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"God, I hope no one asks me to sing."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

'Your shoe's untied.'

The Worm Charmer

'I know that bird feeder is guaranteed to be squirrel-proof, but I still think they are getting in there.'

"Ed's tree hugging was out of control."

Wolf Karaoke

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

'Do worms feel pain? Of course not! As a matter of fact...'

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

Man mourns the loss of his king after being checkmated.

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

'Hey, that one looks just like a visible mass of condensed water vapour floating in the atmosphere.'

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

'I could eat you.'

"Before invasive species, the only things I could grow were weeds and mildew."

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

"I'll check and see if he's available."

"Earthworms are good guys, and birds are good guys—that's just life, honey."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

'Where are you going?'

"Yeah, birds are bad, but fishermen are the worst: they first stab you with a hook, then drown you to finish you off. . ."

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

Snake with 'toxic' sign around it's neck.

"At first I was a bit worried about the comeback of wolves in Europe. But I must admit that they had adapted well to living together with humans!"

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

"Your wife says she's been watching you, and there are a lot of things you need to work on."

'Ach, Herr Scrooge - ghost of this, ghost of that...serious delusions.'