Monster Whisperer Pillows

'OK, Connor. Tell me about this big, scary monster that you feel is under your bed at night.'

"Ohhh...I guess you feel slightly uncomfortable....Do you want to talk about it?"

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

"I'm sure those scary monsters under your bed heard some scary things too."

Support group therapy for male black widow spiders.

The Worm Charmer

Wolf Karaoke

'Do worms feel pain? Of course not! As a matter of fact...'

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

'Look what I've got, Dad - Can I keep it?'

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

'F-E-E-D-T-H-E-D-O-G . . . Hey that's spooky! Why would your granddad say that?'

"You have issues? Be more specific, what issues?"

Before putting on your armor...always check for mice!

'I could eat you.'

"Really? That's the only game in this house?"

"Well, looks like Bob has hooked another baby kraken."

'Forget it. Bioethics doesn't apply to us.'

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

'Let's see. One dozen red wigglers, two dozen nightcrawlers,three dozen crickets. Want flies with that?'

Sorry, I only eat organic, fair-trade, shade-grown, biodynamic, raw dirt.

"He says he's been sending you messages from beyond the grave but it's possible they're going straight into your junk folder."

"I'll check and see if he's available."

S�ance "I'm through to your husbands voice-mail"

"Earthworms are good guys, and birds are good guys—that's just life, honey."

"At first I was a bit worried about the comeback of wolves in Europe. But I must admit that they had adapted well to living together with humans!"

"Ok, you were right – dogs can see ghosts."

'Why, yes, I think that's a lovely sweater, Peter... But you know the rule: no snacks unless you brought enough for the whole class.'

"Wow, listen to that: "Do you have a pioneer spirit? Wolves needed for reintroduction into European National Parks"..."

'Where are you going?'

"Yeah, birds are bad, but fishermen are the worst: they first stab you with a hook, then drown you to finish you off. . ."

Product Testing Department

Spiders all over the place, "Hello, Guiness book of records?"

'Please repeat, your last transmission was garbled.'