Universe Whisperer Pillows

Dr. McWit ponders the Big Bag theory for Creation of the Universe.

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Nobody mourned Sir Dad-Joke.

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

"He's from IT. All I did was tell him I thought he was doing a great job... and he fainted in shock!"

"Dang, there goes another piece of the wife's good china. You see father, it's

'Oh, come on - If you're gonna mess up my castle, take the whole thing.'

Creative accounting.

"Trust me, come low tide everyone will want these seats."

'Astronomy I, Astronomy II, Astronomy III'

"The sellers recommended that I burn some sage during the tour."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"You'll be able to talk to your husband. I have video conferencing."

'...and where did you bury the bone?'

Is this Seat Taken?

'OK, Connor. Tell me about this big, scary monster that you feel is under your bed at night.'

"Shoot it? Shoot it? I don't even know which end of the darn thing to aim at it!"

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

'If another barman cracks the joke about not serving spirits, I'm leaving ...'

'Please don't encourage them: Stop trying to communicate with them...'

Surfer and the Whale

"Our researchers have discovered that 'E' is the most common, and only, letter in the dolphin alphabet."

'Something tells me we're close!'

'Say '1' to hear the ocean in English. Decir '2' a oir el ocean en Espanol.'

'Don't tell me you're am mammal too?'

"I'm a medium." "Really? I'm a large!" "Your late Aunt Nancy warmed me you'd say that."

"My turn."

"Before we make contact with the departed, be aware that all communications will be recorded and maybe used for training purposes."

"Perhaps a dirge would lift your spirits?"

G.P.S. satellites gone bad

"It's your mother calling."