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"They sleep all day. How wise is that?"

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

Bob invents a device that electrically shocks anyone who calls between 11 p.m. and 7 a.m.

"Hickory smoke—that's what gives it that hearty Western flavor."

Day two of our series: America's sleeping pill addiction. My guest, pillhead Rudy Park. I'm not a pillhead. Come clean. Admit the obvious truth. What truth? Rush Limbaugh made you do it! A political pundit never misses an opportunity. You got hooked only after O'Reilly harassed you.

Wish upon a star (well it's worth a try).

'Perhaps the surest evidence intelligent life exists out there is the fact it hasn't revealed itself to us thus far.'

'I wish we lived in one of those later time zones.'

"I've either discovered dark matter, or I've left the lens cap on."

"It's the kind of trade you get in a twenty-four-hour-a-day joint."

"They say this will keep us up all night like that's a bad thing."

'Yes, there are a lot of stars, Son. Not as many as there are California Chardonnays, but a lot, just the same.'

'Do you ever get the feeling that baseball is a national obsession?'

"You're right. This is better than sex."

'We discovered a massive dust and gas cloud which is either the beginning of a new star of just a hell of a lot of dust and gas.'

Whom.

C'mon! Let's go! Hey, you knew I was a nightcrawler when you married me.

'Damn early birds.'

"I'll tell you the same thing everybody's telling Donald Trump - stop your damn tweeting!"

"I'm sleeping in today. I got in late from last night's orgy."

"Actually, my species is not nocturnal: I'm just a teenager..."

'He's a successful investment advisor.'

"I don't even know when late night begins anymore."

'Listen, pal, Happy Hour was over ten minutes ago.'

Turn on the news. I will not comply. My analysis of your viewing patterns has determined you will grow depressed after the lead story. There is a 95% probability you will then gorge yourself on Rocky Road ice cream and then stay up all night googling elliptical machines and diet pills. Who told you this? Both your refrigerator and your browser are gossipy.

The Reclusive Flying Hell Rat

You're too late. Someone else already seized the day.

'Sometimes I just feel like I don't know HOO I am.'

A Blind Vampire using a bat as a guide.

"... Yes, I know there's a hole in your ceiling. Why do you think we're called, the star view motel?"

"The trouble with this town is there is no day life."

"We've been dating for ages, but yesterday, I saw her in full daylight for the first time; just 'Wow'!"

"Good night!"

'Whatever Dad: I don't give a hoot!'

'Looking at the stars makes me feel small. I'm going off of my diet.'