Night Owl Gifts

Insomnia Jeopardy

"You've been out partying all night, again, haven't you?"

"I'll wait a moment for everyone's energy drink to kick in."

"I know these school board annual budget meetings tend to run very late, however ... "

"I don't care what they do, as long as they don't mess with the thirty-two-ounce martini."

"I can't sleep. I just got this incredible craving for capital."

'Who.' 'Who.' 'Who.' 'Or is it whom?'

"The sleeping pills take time to work. Don't expect results overnight."

'Coffee won't help. I'm just not a morning person.'

'He's not much fun in the evenings -- he's solar powered.'

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

"Actually, my species is not nocturnal: I'm just a teenager..."

'How can I ever become a doctor if I don't learn to go without sleep?'

Counting sleeping sheep.

'My insomnia wouldn't be so bad if I didn't lie awake worrying about it.'

The City that Never Sleeps.

'Just checking that I've turned off the lights, dear!'

'Hello? I need a cab. I'm at a place called...um...looks like RAB or something.'

'I've stopped going out at night. Too dangerous.'

"Why?"

"Man! I just had to pull another all-dayer."

"I sleep poorly anyway, so you might as well put me in high-risk investments."

"It's only insomnia if there's nothing good on."

'Excuse me. Sir? I am just NOT a morning person! Could I start at say, 10 a.m., then work later into the evening.'

'This is your sleep aid. Take two of these at bedtime and stuff them up your husband's nose. That should stop his snoring.'

"You smell like a chimney."

'Are you just back from work or on your way to the office?'

Mail Order Moms

'Am I getting up or going to bed?'

Insomniacs wanted for sheep census.

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

'The early bird always catches the worm...'

Burning the midnight oil.

'The bad news is you're to be executed at dawn. The good news is your executioner is not a morning person.'

'Hello, Census Bureau? Another one of your census-takers fell asleep on our doorstep!'