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Thoughts of Fall

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's "Malaprop Man"! Malaprop man! Where are you going? To a processional footbrawl game! The Tampa Bay Bucketeers and New York Jest are playing. Are you a serious fan? Yeah, I've a sneezin' ticket holder for years! Isn't it early to go to the stadium? We nave a snailgate party in the barking lot. I drill chicken winks and square ribs! Do you get nervous watching your team play? Yes, I'm very dense during the games! And before and aft

Sadie, you've got a lot of nerve making light of all the concussions suffered by football players. Stow it, meathead. By the way, I heard Eli Manning got a concussion last season. What? What?! Eli? My Honeybunch? He of the NFL's greatest rear?! I won't have it. The league must reform! Awesome. I still have to brain power to tell a provocative lie. Get it together, NFL or face my wrath!

Oakland Raiders, Al Davis.

"Portrait of a Lady"

Oscar would laugh whenever he recalled his empty existence before golf.

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Good game, good game, nice game, namaste, good game, nice game ..."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

'Fancy a game of five-a-side, boys?'

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

Mohamed Salah

'When I'm not thinking about me, the Giants, the Knicks or the Yankees, I'm thinking about us.'

'He's got classic form, but if he doesn't improve his grades he won't get into college. He doesn't think.'

Bernie the Monday morning quarterback meets David the Monday morning linebacker.

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

'When I was a kid, we had to do our own instant replays.'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

'He's missed six goals today. I bet he could kick himself.'

Cristiano Ronaldo

The Harper Plays Cricket.

"Wait! Stop! He changed his mind."

'Talk about ridiculous... we can spot a mouse a mile away, and still can't read a darn newspaper!'

Playing football with snowmen in goal.

NFL quarterback slides feet-first to the ground and avoids a mugging,

Football.

Fox hunting.

"Yes, it's a sports related injury. He dropped his bowling ball."

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

'It took some doing, but we got your name on!'

"Depressed, anxious, worried about the future we've had a great deal of this recently...I'd suggest you avoid watching England for a while."