Newsstands Gifts

'Sleaze, please.'

Peter's Pitas - now with pickled peppers.

"This is a clever little shop. It makes you think it would be fun to own a lamp."

'This one is for keeping 'On Message' in the spin wars.'

'STREWTH! Our firewall is down!' (Rupert and James Murdoch cease to be shielded after Rebekah Brooks resigns)

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

'Read ALL about IT! In other less TRASHIER Newspapers!'

'So, what are the terms of use?'

"You know our 'Never-Overwhelm-The-Reader' policy. Your story is irrelevant, trivial and stupid but not irrelevant, trivial and stupid enough."

'In the event of a new Gulf War, Letterman and Leno agreed to reduce their arsenal of middle eastern jokes and stockpile them for possible use later...'

News - Panto stars to strike.

"Papers late again, Murphy?"

Weekend paper with an index to the supplements it contains.

'And this is Paul, who writes our 'Voice of Sanity' column.'

'We'll need a bigger studio- Rosie wants to interview Rush Limbaugh.'

World exclusive!

'We interrupt this Congressional scandal to bring you the following White House scandal....'

"Coming soon. Possibly a thrift store or a bakery...or, no—how about a coffee house? Yoga studio? Pizza joint?..."

Magazines.

"But I actually wanted something specific...!"

News crews fight for coverage

"Gentlemen, I am happy to announce that as of today we are closing down our Washington news bureau and moving the entire operation to L.A."

The Gutter Press.

Stalk of Newspaper Vendors

"Read all about it! O.J. still not guilty!"

"Wow! Nice job on that display, Baldo! Just don't tell the boss. He'll make you do more."

Serious Competition: Thingymajigs vs Watchamacallits.

"Damnit, when you have bad news just give me the bad news."

"You're fired! Read all about it!"

"This year has been a horror movie. I'm sure the book version will be better."

War Journalism

"This is Ritz Rose, substituting for the vastly over rated Ed Yomp..."