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Turn off the tv! Blasphemy. I have Extreme Partisanship Syndrome. I can't hear about politics. I get too riled up. It could kill me. No more Fox, or MSNBC, or even the networks. Fine, but there are other options. Can't this kill me too? Just the mind. Tonight on Biggest Loser: Jog eating.

Be Healthy

“It's a tree, sweetie. No need to Google it.”

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

"My monthly screen time went up from 62 hours to ‘Holy #@!*’."

"Nature speaks to me of God’s presence, yet God is a total stranger to the restless world of men." "Why the #!@* is there no signal?!"

Hiking sign - Stop, pause, play, skip forward, skip back

"Lately, I've been trying to spend less time staring at the glowing orb."

"It was a dark and stormy night, for the Wi-Fi was down."

America Off-line.

"But I brought you here so I wouldn't have to play with you."

"According to my phone, society is on the brink of collapse, but, according to our living room, things seem pretty O.K."

"You spend far too much time on social media, Joe!"

'My best method for relieving stress is to misplace my cellphone.'

"I'm looking for a data plan that will be constantly out of service so I can tell my dates I didn't mean to ghost them."

"Sale. Save 100% of your energy by closing this website. Close now. No, thanks."

'Let's have a quiet romantic evening together...we'll turn our cell phones off.'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

Children's games and technology

Deposit phones here

"Let's bury the TV remote and all the cell phones, then sit back and watch what happens."

Nil by text - "Don't worry, Mr. Smith, we will soon cure your addiction."

"The alarm will alert us when our meditative, present-moment-restoring tech break has ended."

'How is the detox going?'

"Behold, Penny. The 'Wi-Fi dead zone.'"

Screen Time at the Dining Table

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"For your enjoyment: Please turn off electronic devices, close your eyes, and cover your ears."

Well that's me detoxed!

"I had to close all my social media accounts. They were making me anti-social."

NIl by 'phone.

"Come home when the internet's back on."

Captain's Log: Day 3 of Polly's cracker detox was a tough one...

"I haven't seen you look at your me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives?"

"Anywhere that doesn't have TVs, computers, radios, ipods, cellphones or video games."