News Cycle Wit Pillows

"Armageddon, armageddon, armageddon, then sports and weather."

"The Net National Product rose slightly last month."

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

"Obama didn’t get to name a Supreme Court justice during his final year. So how come Trump does?"

'In its new 'spirit of evenhandedness,' the U. S. Government today sent troops to occupy all foreign countries....'

Squeezing the Free Press.

They're Not Just That Into It

"Let me just check my email, my texts, my missed calls, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp, my credit score, my horoscope, the results of this latest personality test, the S. & P., the Dow, the news, this article about cute dogs, and the weather, and then we can go."

Trump pardons

This is Lenny the leopard with the on-the-spot news.

News: Deaths! Deaths! Deaths!

DO Not Disturb (Except For Meals)

'Let's go to our education reporter for more underreporting of school success stories.'

"Well, how do things look from where you sit?"

"I can't decide what I fear the most, Putin's Russia or Putin's America."

'Mighty strange weather tonight, followed by downright weird tomorrow....'

"See..? We told you there was nothing there..."

Difference of Opinion

Meet the Enemy

'Today the stock market was moribund, as growth equities sputtered and bonds dipped due to the inverted yield curve. I'd translate that into layman's terms...but they don't pay me enough.'

"We won!"

'I think I'll stay in and try to catch up on my reading.'

'Thank heavens! For a minute there I thought it was the news!'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

CIA report

A little bird told me...

News Internecine: Murdoch succession battle

'Now for today's numbers...'Bad Dogs' outnumbered 'Good Dogs' by two-to-one...'

Laughingstock

Our Two Parties, Explained

Taking Credit after Voting against Stimulus

Trump Poutine

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Public Relations: Reputations cleaned and repaired