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"Oh...erm...welcome back!"

"If this goes badly I'm going to post it on my youtube job interview bloopers channel."

'We interrupt this programme for a sex flash.'

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

'Are we watching business news or sports news?'

Lights Action Camera Justice

'What shall we watch - best security videos of 2013 or operating room bloopers, blunders and bleeps?'

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

'I'm sorry, did you say you wanted to try fresh sugarcane.'

"Get a move on Hardwicke, we need it for the 6 o'clock news!"

"They're dumbing down the news now!"

'We interrupt this Congressional scandal to bring you the following White House scandal....'

'I wrote on this piece of cardboard because the teleprompter is broken. Just say something about technical difficulties and we'll be right back after these messages or whatever. Just don't read this on air!'

"OK people, this one's for the blooper reel, so let's blow it out there."

Laundry Dry Cleaner. More places are charging extra to iron shirts when they launder them. The free press is under siege!

"You're my agent, tell me - what do I have to do to be taken seriously as an animal-bloopers-show host?"

News.

News of the World

"It says 'Available Now: The Greatest Bloopers of Your Life, available on Pay-Per-View or DVD!'"

"Damnit, when you have bad news just give me the bad news."

"They don't prevent crime, but the videos make great blooper reels."

'And now the news in briefs.'

"Why, Susan, I—ha-ha-ha! Oh, God, sorry... Sorry."

Do you have the telegraph?

'Buns, rockcakes and paperweights.'

"This is a support group for phone victims. Frank butt dialed. Bib drunk dialed, Anne there talked bad about someone, but didn't realize she hadn't hung up..."

Grim reaper watching a dead TV report.

'I feel insulted whenever I receive a royalties check for the bloopers reruns.'

'Another retrospective of the Bush Administration?', 'Oh, no -- this is just the blooper reel.'

"When the heck does this story start? Oh, wait—this is a cookbook."

'Tonight's news is so depressing, we've decided just to show the 'Three Stooges' instead....'

"Ah, the Trump blimp is destroying the New York Times building. Must be Tuesday."

Presidential campaign.

'In today's campaign bloopers, Obama called her 'Billary' and Hillary called him 'Oprah-Ama'.'

"Now what?"