Newborn Observers Gifts

'Ted thinks he looks like his side of the family, but I don't see it.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

'The doctor says he's going to have to give you a few more tests...'

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

"So you're just now tellin' me I was hatched from an egg and I coulda' left years ago?!?"

'Long shift?'

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

'You can tell your grandkids, you rode the most expensive vehicle on Earth!'

"I don't know how to tell you this, but it looks like you have a brain the size of a walnut."

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Whatever it is, you've got it bad and that ain't good.'

"How can you cross the road so decisively? I have to stop halfway across every time to rethink it."

'That's one of those May-December love affairs. He's 251 years old, and she can't be a day over 135!'

"I can hear some rattling: Better start writing those birth notices Darling..."

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

"We'll have to retract that article. On of our co-authors is the night watchman."

"Oh crap, my mood ring!"

Sooner or later, 'These trying times' become 'The good ol' days'.'

A couple with a new baby

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk -- it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Well, I'll be - he cut and ran."

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'

A spider meal prepping

"I'm writing to mother to let her know how you're doing.Is deathbed one word or two?"

'Now watch carefully. You can learn from my mistakes.'

"Gold ... Frankincense ... Myrrh ... why wouldn't wise men bring diapers?"

Bird Bathrooms

Baby Mums.

"Trust me, this place is worth the wait."

I'm Going For A Job As A Coat Hangar.

"Looks like it's someone's birthday...!"

She's started, like, talking, and you're not gonna, like, believe what her, like, first word was!