Newborn Joy Pillows

"Anything interesting happen over the weekend, Frank?"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

A mother and baby elephant

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

The No No No's

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"We've decided that it will be better for his later development if we speak to him only in legalese."

'Why can't we trade him to that lady for her two little girls?'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'