New Baby Excitement Pillows

GPS stork delivery

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

baby sweetcorn...

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

Santa Claus's Mail

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

A newborn parachutes to safety after the stork carrying him gets hit by a plane.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"They're so adorable at that age!"

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

'I guess mother and baby are doing fine. She's already sending out selfies.'

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

The No No No's

Twenty-first century baby walker