Newborn Accessory Collector T-Shirts

"My grandchild deserves a good stroller, but this thing costs more than my first car!"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'I'm keeping a scrap book. All I've got so far is one umbilical cord.'

'No. no. When your wife asked you to change the baby, she meant the diaper.'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

'and remember delivery is free if it happens in a half hour!'

I'm accused of kicking you in the womb, but your evidence is purely circumstantial. Lawyer baby.

"We realize that kids start using technology at a younger age these days, so our strollers come with Bluetooth, Wi-Fi and GPS."

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'As you can see, it's too late for a termination...Baby is capable of surviving outside the womb...'

Doctor performing an ultrasound on a Russian nesting doll

"...for a canal I thought that was unusually short."

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'

'Wow! That was quite some push Mrs Smith...'

A pregnant woman wears a shirt that says "Baby"with an arrow pointing down, while a mother holds a baby that is an arrow pointing up.

'Hey, big deal! We're all new kids on the block!'

'No, I don't think it a cute idea! Get rid of him and turn in your supervisor's uniform!'

Maternity Ward

"I wish they'd never discovered fertility drugs!"

Baby Bear.

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

'How many fingers do you see?'

"Congratulations! It's a pain in the ass."

'Listen! It kicked again right here. I swear it's not appendicitis!'

Elton John

Giving Birth

'You're up the duff with a bun in the oven.'

Maternity Hospital

'Well, he certainly has his Father's vocabulary.'

"Six down, three to go!!"

'Well done troops: Spring is over, we can have a break now...'

Bob hated baby talk.

"You're right... the babies are getting bigger."

'Congratulations! It's one of the beautiful people!'