Newbie To Self-discipline Gifts

"You'll have to give up the wine and the women. It's OK to sing, but only in moderation."

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

"I'm off to the gym, where my private self and my public self converge."

Spa

Man practising karate is tempted by a glass of beer.

"River well stocked this year."

'I don't know what he gets up to in there, but it keeps him busy.' (Noises are recorded, man reads paper, has beer.)

'He's finally done it - kicked breakfast TV!'

"Our Rupert has swopped his gaming console for bagpipes...it gets us out of the house more often."

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'Tommy is in the other room playing with the triangle we bought him in Bermuda.'

"Getting the hang of it?"

It's about self-control. "'No Thyself".

"You're fortunate. Stubble looks really good on you."

Clancy Strip: Money and Beer

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Dude, you can go for that new diving gear if you want, but if you ask me, I think it's a trap.'

This Year's Spa

Model Building

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"You try staying this this after giving birth two million times."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

"The doctor told me I needed to burn some fat, so I'm grilling a steak!"

'-and we offer trauma counselling at no extra cost!'

"You complete me."

Who says you're pasture prime?

'What kind of quack is he? No pills, no special diets! He just believes in will power!'

"I'm here to warn you, do not eat both slices of cake – you're going to want one tomorrow."

Spa day

"O.K., go long, and then go about a hundred feet to your left or your right - who knows?"

"My husband makes this wine."

Please seat to be weighted.

'Aside from your plastic canvas projects, what else have you been doing since you retired?'

'What's the hardest thing about playing bowls?'