New Testament Buff Pillows

"Thank you, but in all humility, I'm just the ass that Jesus rode in on."

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

"Damn. I think I missed the turn for Bethlehem."

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"The hyenas started it."

'Yes, all at once!'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Luxury cruise you said!'

TSA Noah

'Are we there yet?'

"We have a potentially serious problem accruing on the poop deck."

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Gosh, I dunno. You sure it's organic?'

Caption Contest TK

Bible Bloopers

"Believe me it's only an apple."

'It's not much of a soap opera with just that Adam guy.'

'The ten commandments have all been reduced to tweets.'

'Look man, no wings!'

Moses unblocking the toilet.

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

"Mark, you have to stop calling John's gospel 'Fan Fiction.'"

'Moses parted the water so the Isrealites could go across? You mean in the mud?'

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Now tell us, Davey, what kind of rock did you use?"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

'Don't worry it's organic...'

'Not only will you know everything but I'll see that you get your own talk show.'

A vicar is reading 'The Great Begatsby' written by Abraham.

'Even More Disciples'