New Sommelier Qualification T-Shirts

"House red, sir?"

'Have you tried our home-made wine?'

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

Mount Olympus Brewery. Those might be dangerous to open. They're Pandora's Bocks.

Keith Floyd.

Just the one...

'Would you care to see our wine list, water list, soda list, tea list, coffee list, single malt scotch list, or beer list?'

"I'm sure you've heard of foodies - he's a drinkie."

'Been toying with Bordeaux futures again, have we?'

'In the interests of full disclosure, federal law now requires me to inform you that I own shares in the winery whose product I am serving this evening.'

Nouveau wine

"You may not know this, but I've become quite the wine expert."

'This Chardonnay is so over-oaked, it comes with a 2-year service contract from Terminix.'

"I'm in the middle of a local wine tasting tour."

"I'm feeling less stressed since I set my biological clock back an hour."

"And this is our 'panic room'. We usually pop in here after watching the nightly news."

'And this is my dad. He's the wine critic for The Herald and he can drink your dads under the table.'

Wine-tasting Tour.

'How many times did you think you could get away with using the term 'bouchon d'expedition' on the first date?'

'I wonder if we strike wine again!'

"I understand he's in aroma therapy.''

"Yeah, I'll say that's a good head, now is there any chance you can put ome beer under it?"

"While here, you'll have to try our food desert, too!"

"Red with meant, white with fish. . . but it all goes great with chocolate!"

"Ewww – Cabernet with tuna fish?"

"Might I suggest a full-bodied white?"

'Sir has made the most discerning choice to wash it down with Drain Glug.'

'This wine doesn't need to breathe...it needs CPR!'

"Examine the bottle? Sniff the cork? At these prices why am I doing all the work?"

(I'm tasting berries with deep earth overtones and a definite hint of almond) (That would be the Cyanide.)

Advanced course at the Wine Appreciation Institute in my house.

"What would the world be like without wine? I can't bear to think of it."

'Your House Wines seem rather pricey - d'you have any Bungalow Wines?'

Wine Shotput

'All I can say is, if you like trying new beers and hate having money, this is the one for you.'