New Relationship Milestone Pillows

'Did you notice your dad flirting with me all evening?'

'See, I told you my dad would like you.'

"He's everything I want in a man."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Sure, he's a zombie but hey, it's nice to finally meet someone who is more interested in my brains than my body.

Love at First Sight

"Maybe the next one will be a singles cruise."

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Romance

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"When you say that love is in the air, you're referring to the smells from the food trucks, right?"

"I didn't complain, when you crashed the computer."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

On my list of outdoor pursuits I put skinny dipping way ahead of this.

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"She's in a conversationally induced coma."

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"I feel we haven't moved beyond parallel play."

"Mr. Right!"

"You've changed."

I only have eyes for you

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

'I'll be darned! A nipple mood ring!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

Romance

"I know we just met, but all I got is a twenty-four-hour pass!"

'Of course I'm on the pull - I'm a cricketer.'

Relationship Warning Lights

Hug and Do a Chorus Line Kick.