New Pet Chicken Pillows

'Believe me, Bertha, you won't get stretch marks from laying eggs.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Actually, make that a double cream."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Foster failure"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Cat box"

'That was fun!'

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

Dog Dreams

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

Cat Nip.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

He won't sit, but he heels well.

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

A man and his dog

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

Foster failure

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Happy.

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

Family with pets.