New Pet Chicken Pillows

'Believe me, Bertha, you won't get stretch marks from laying eggs.'

"All good: This egg looks healthy as well..."

"Fish needs a bigger bowl."

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

Knock on the door - dog stands up and shouts 'Beat it!'

"Foster failure"

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"Cat box"

"A squirrel, impressive! I'm still chasing a stick."

'That was fun!'

"Has anyone seen the dog?"

Dog Dreams

"Live in the sunshine, swim in the sea, drink in the wild air." — Ralph Waldo Emerson "Catch tennis balls in the mouth." — Me

"Cheery little flowers, saying good night, saying good morning!"

"Can I keep them? I found him on the internet?"

Cat Nip.

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

'Why can't my walks be that fun?'

"That’s great, but where’s the Frisbee?!"

Foster failure

Boy bringing home an octopus in a fish bowl.

'Oh, really?... I'm actually more of a dog person.'

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Pet Shop: "I think I've found one for me."

A man and his dog

"Maureen Alsop is leaving her magnolia, and her delphinium and her cats with us this weekend."

'He's the one who needs obedience training!'

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

Happy.

"I'm beginning to think that buy one, get one free is not always a good thing."

Couple sitting in living room reading books while dog reads a book with a cat shaped cover.

Family with pets.