New Kitchen Pillows

"Oh no I left my bagpipes in the oven."

Come dine with me!

'Someone's in the kitcehn with Din-ah, someone's in the kitcehn I kno-o-o-ow...'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

That Lazy Susan's not so lazy if you spin it a liiitle bit faster...

'I wish somebody would invent the TABLE!'

Cooking

A slice of bread walks a tightrope between slots on the toaster.

Soup of the month.

"That's it. We’re toast."

Frozen Turkey: "I hate to bother you on a holiday but I'm freezing out here. Do you have a heated enclosed space I could rest inside for four to five hours?"

"....Oh, and the dog's eaten all the fridge magnets."

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

Too much cilantro

"When you've lost fifteen pounds...that's when the refrigerator gets returned!"

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

'Will you be long, fixing this leak? I'll have to put my Bert's dinner on in ten minutes.'

"Incredible! Once again, you've made the perfect piece of toast."

Aqua Filter (frog jumping out).

Salt and Pepper

Flour, sugar, earth, air, fire, water.

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

The Perfect Foil

'It's all homemade.'

Recipe involving the switching off of the smoke alarm...

'Shall we turn the extractor fan down a bit...?'

The Inexperienced Cook

'And a special feature on this model is the diet ice cubes.'

"Well..I think the old Thermograph machine I rescued from work goes a treat with our kitchen units."

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Harry won't even build me a new kitchen.'

Entertainment systems

A Matryoshka dolls putting an oven in an oven

"All new appliances, brand new subway tile backsplash and a unique kitchen island; notice those coconuts!"

'You made me jump.'