New Job Promotion T-Shirts

"Alan, looking at our plans don't you think your team might need a little more thought?"

'Danger. Company Merger in Progress'

'I'm afraid that market conditions require us to cancel all holidays for the foreseeable future. As compensation we will be allowing enhanced toilet breaks.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

In basket-case.

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

Others will fight for you

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

A fight in the Boardroom.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

Reach for the Star.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

The MBA Draft

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

"We're a very small international conglomerate."

'I clawed my way to the top and then I clawed my way back to the middle.'