New Job Promotion Gifts

"Alan, looking at our plans don't you think your team might need a little more thought?"

'Danger. Company Merger in Progress'

'I'm afraid that market conditions require us to cancel all holidays for the foreseeable future. As compensation we will be allowing enhanced toilet breaks.'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'I hope you're not threatened by powerful women, because you're fired.'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'Let's not go by the book.'

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

'Finally! A meeting with one of the bigwigs.'

In basket-case.

"It's clear to me that you want to go far with this company."

Others will fight for you

A fight in the Boardroom.

'I'll make my final decision on that promotion of yours, after this game.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

Reach for the Star.

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"Helen brings home our second, third and fourth incomes."

"I've never said this to a woman before, but here goes: We're not paying you enough."

'Take two tablets the moment you begin to feel indispensable.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

The MBA Draft

'I like the way you handle responsibility, McWit, so I'm going to blame some stuff on you.'

'Take a few days off. Suck some necks ...'

Areas of the Body Where Stress Can Manifest

"Hey, you stick your neck out on a regular basis, it's gonna happen. The important thing is to just get up and keep moving forward."

'Is that the sweet smell of success or some imitation air freshener?'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

'Ah, Galagher, we made good use of your proposal.'