New Job In Fire Department Pillows

Hello, fire department and sundry municipal services. Help! Fire! It's the kitchen! Don't panic. Remain calm. Calm?! We've got a major grease fire. Hey, I can't be expected to do everything … What? Answer the phones, put out fires, clean the parks, garbage collection … What part of fire don't you understand?!

"Living in a city with functional infrastructure must be so boring."

'I think the salmon is thoroughly smoked.'

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

"As I understand it, after this scaffolding comes down the city will be done."

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

Woman escapes with cats.

"Never mind how I got up here....just call the fire department."

"Wait, there's another fold? No wonder we have so many extra stones."

'It was the little darling's first time sitting up at the dining table!'

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

Rollercoaster opens when it is still being built.

'I said 'Shall I put the cat out?''

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"I came as soon as I got the message!"

"Oh we're fine, my husbands just learning to cook during the quarantine."

The New Normal

'In case of fire, don't panic, pay your bill then run like hell.'

'It's good to see that you have a smoke detector...'

'Waiter, could I have some more water right away?'

"He excels at putting out fires."

'Good new. . . we're moving you to a bigger desk!'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

"It would be great if you could turn the smoke machine down a little during worship..."

'I'm filling in for the sommelier. We have a fine shiraz today for only $39. It's 14.7 alcohol, a Class 1B flammable, so if I see you consume it near an open flame, I'll have to cite you.'

Rubbish Carousel

"Wow, these e-readers take forever to burn..."

Buddy hadn't learned from the time his tongue got stuck.

"The third leading cause of forest fires."

"Hang on, I know I came into the kitchen for something..."

Brickie's Mate

"These are the environmentalists who set the Amazon forest on fire!"

A fire extinguisher box with band aids in them has a sign above with reads, "In case you cut yourself breaking glass break this glass."

Professor Algarth Zag, pioneer in fire research.