New Job In Airline Gifts

'Such work commitment has to be rewarded: The ticket is free Sir...'

Airport Security.

Walking Luggage.

"Think we'll still make happy hour?"

The World's Easiest Airport

"This bag is carry-on, and this one is kick-drop-throw-and-pile-on."

The World Wide Web.

'You sent your wife to get a bottle of wine from the wine cellar? Your jet doesn't have a wine cellar.'

Employee of the Month Parking

"Sorry, you're only allowed one carrion."

"Sorry for the wait. Have you guys been here long?"

"You shouldn't have stopped to go to the bathroom, sir - you were late claiming your luggage, so we raffled it off."

Giant Monkey sprays the pesty planes with 'fly spray'

Parking meter on the moon.

"I thought they just hibernated for the winter."

"Now boarding group 50 and up."

"I've heard this airline's got some unusual inflight entertainment."

Leaving a Lasting Impression. . .

Two airplanes

Rubbish Carousel

Gates A-B Taking Care of Business, C-D Funny Business, E-F Do Your Business.

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

'He's still following us, Don.'

'Ideally, I'd like a ticket to where ever my luggage is going.'

"Could you pass me up? I'm in row one."

'Will that be coach?'

"Since when isn’t a taxidermied animal a comfort pet?" "Since forever!" "Dang it!"

"You finished with your peanuts?"

"Kindly place your seat in the upright position, extinguish all smoking material, fasten your seat belt, tie your tie, and adopt a serious and dignified demeanor."

"So far, my luggage has had a more exciting vacation than I have!"

"We're actually going to grow potatoes on Mars!"

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

'I'm happy to report our use of air sickness bags has declined sharply since we quit serving meals.'

Orville Wright, not sure he wants to eat airline food, brings a sandwich to his historic first flight.

Safest Airline in The World