New House Pillows

"Millimetres or centimetres? Check the plan."

'Don't call a plumber just yet. It's been a long winter and I'd like to get a little diving in.'

'They can't decide what goes where.'

'But Mikey - your stuff is junk-mine is collectible!'

'Oh, shoot! That's an 'H.'

Visitors.

"I bought it back at my wife's garage sale!"

"Can we get a bigger pool to accommodate all my floats?"

Essentials

"That? Oh, that's the contractor insult tax. We add that to the invoice when a customer treats us as if we're somehow constantly contriving to rip them off."

"Thank you for not saying 'Missed a bit.'"

'That's what I call a boomerang sale. His wife takes one look and back it comes.'

'Beware you don't trip over him!'

A man and a woman at a house party

Man finishing painting through flap in door.

'Perhaps he's right - maybe it will make a great summer house.'

'I feel like a sea change.'

"When the researcher said we were going to a gated community, I had no idea what he meant."

'I'm sure you enjoyed window shopping just as much as one of your spending sprees, dear.'

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

LAY ZEE FUK

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Gardener

Allotment

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"And this is our media room."

Beach Barbecue

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'