New Homes Pillows

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

LAY ZEE FUK

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Allotment

Gardener

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"And this is our media room."

Rose Garden

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Beach Barbecue

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

Tool Box

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

"This the first time you guys ever installed an above-ground pool?"

"Bungle the flip! Bungle the flip!"

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I don't think the turkey's going to be done on time. That's the dishwasher."

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"

"I feel like pushing the envelope this morning, honey, starting with a little grape jelly for that bran muffin."

Candle Portraits.

"Get... a-nother room!"

'You realize we're only having three people over...'