New Home Project Gifts

"How many times do we have to tell you: first allow the wallpaper to settle, then remove the scaffolding!"

I talked my new client into an eco-landscape. Well done. Walls using local stone. Native trees and plants. Plus

We're putting on a subtraction.

"Weren't they the people you lent the complete macrame book to?"

Artex cartoon

Eggshell blue

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

LAY ZEE FUK

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

Lady of the Cake.

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

"Great cruise except the zip lining got flooded."

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Don't worry - I'm here for the television."

Allotment

"First I drink, then I barbecue — that's my secret."

Gardener

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"And this is our media room."

'How many studio apartment construction projects did you say you'd worked on before?'

Rose Garden

'A little piece of advice, Verl. . . cut your sandwich loaf on a diagonal . . . that way people will think they're gettin' more.'

"Yes, I know they fit, it's just not what I pictured for a three car garage!"

Beach Barbecue

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

Shed Into Dream Playhouse.

"No! I want to live! I want to live!"

This will be an environmentally sound house built entirely from trees that fell over naturally from old age.

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

'And just what makes you think I don't know what I'm doing?!!'

"Careful with that - the wife made it at pottery class."

'How do you like my new, deep plush carpet?'

"I think I perferred the plain magnolia"