New Child T-Shirts

'You didn't play 'Baby Einstein' tapes while Tyler was In Utero?'

"So who did you beget?"

"John thinks he's got my neuroses imprinted on him already, but I say that the OCD is pure John."

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"When my Tia Maggie got married, she wanted 8 kids...and her husband wanted 2 kids."

City Zoo: Day Care

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

"His first out-of-body experience."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

“She’s in her abstract expressionism phase.”

A young Don King

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

'Ahhh...'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

'I told you it would be useful.'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

Santa Claus's Mail

The Baby Walker

baby sweetcorn...

Late night teddy reading

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

"Unfortunately, your son swallowed a great deal of industrial adhesive. But don't worry: Epoxy can be cured."

Interior design trends for parents....

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Pool attached to child's bed.

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

'The child is very illogical'

"Honey, you're spoiling that child."

Swinging on a star.