Newborns T-Shirts

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'Once they're born they immediately begin to depreciate.'

'Oh Darling look. He's got your colour boogies!'

'I've had some baby sized clubs made.'

"Give her some space! She's overdosing on baby talk!"

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

"Is he talking yet? I was hoping he could help me with my new phone."

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"His first out-of-body experience."

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

Batman at the Maternity Ward

You can't just switch them. If your wife asked you to change the baby, she probably meant the diaper.

Cry babies.

Pool attached to child's bed.

'Honey, where's my cell phone?'

Late night teddy reading

'You call it a bra. I call it excess packaging.'

Swinging on a star.

'The child is very illogical'

'They don't understand goo-goo-gah-gah. Dumb it down to WHAAAAAH!'

'Hi hon! How's the little monster?'

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'He has your nose and my ears.'

"I'm starting him off with a little rope theory."

"Congratulations, it's a lifetime of penury and countless sleepless nights!"

"They're so adorable at that age!"

Being and Nothingness Pop-Up! (book)

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

A mother and baby elephant

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

The born comedian - 'I'm only two days old and already I'm using great one liners!'

Twenty-first century baby walker

"Same old same old. How about you?"

The No No No's

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"