New-age Parenting Pillows

"It's from the We Experience Parenthood More Fully Than You collection."

"I got a gold star for going the longest without looking at my phone in class."

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

Next gen pregnancy tests.

"He just said his first word!"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

'The food is great, but it's embarrassing the way she always insists on burping you.'

"Time for bed, guys."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"We sing her to sleep with songs about recycling."

"I hate 2:00 am feedings."

"Is the Itsy Bitsy Spider obsessive-compulsive?"

"With the baby-cam, there is no privacy."

Businessman with briefcase pushes stroller with baby and its briefcase.

"Now, Mrs. Stevens, go to work, relax, and leave the social engineering to us."

'I'm sorry young lady, but you're not old enough to be free range!'

'If you don't behave we'll unfreeze your stem cells!'

"They're a very hi-tech family. Apparently, even their baby was cordless."

To prevent Christmas git opening from being over in a flash, the Wagner kids were required to use only their feet.

"Do you actually trust that thing?"

"Have you ever heard about deferred prosecution agreements, Mommie?"

'Jimmy made his first blog post today.'

"I was hoping her first sentence would be, 'I love you, mommy.' Not, 'what's the Wi-Fi password?'"

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

"I had a lot more freedom before mom got the drone."

"One day, son, all this anxiety will be yours."

'You're grounded... not you, the drone.'

"I'm looking for a book on how to raise kids easily, but I can't seem to find it anywhere..."

Big book of memes

"They grow up so fast. From Mother Goose to Google."

Modern Baby Mobiles

"We want one that's genetically gifted but not genetically spoiled."

'This pacifier looks like a cell phone to make the inevitable transition that much easier.'

Meals on Heels.

"You're leaving?" "Yeah, today's kids are so demanding so I've decided to move to a gluten-free, lactose-free, nut-free, sugar-free neighborhood."