New Age Name Aficionado Pillows

"We're still working out the numerology for a name."

Mom! Don't call me abominadorable in front of my friends!

"For the girls—Kimberly, Caitlin, Lauren, Cindy, and Tracy. For the boys—Cameron, Christopher, Adam, Jeffrey, and Gregory."

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

Jeff Tweedy caricature.

What should we do this fine Sunday? I have an idea. Let's spend the day staring at each other and using pet names. Ahem. You affection is making us ill! They're upset, Monkey Bear. You're so handsome. We're trying to eat!

'Why do they call him Neckline Ned.' - 'He's always plunging down the middle but never showing anything.'

"Are you the one they call El Cóndor?"

Mort Park! You mean Killer. You're sprung, Killer. I'm free to go? Unless you're so tough now you'd rather stay. I mean a guy named Killer probably likes jail. Mail me my blanky.

'I've been sitting on this mountain for 25 years, and what I've learned is that true happiness can only be found in the soothing relief of a fast-acting hemorrhoid cream!'

'And though he died during the hunt, we can only assume that George L Jones would want this new species of butt-faced clown monkey to forever bear his name.'

Baptism Then and Now

'I had to stamp down on staff using nicknames at work. They even had one for me!'

Tom Cruise

Naming that Impala

The Inner Dog.

J.P.Hensmore Superintendent AKA Head Honcho, The Big Guy,The Man, Numero Uno and The Big Cheese.

"Malachite promotes inner peace, hope and security, but I can’t say for certain it will help you put up with your boss."

The New Age Dentist.

"Really? 'Yeller'? That's what you want to name him?"

"Sinead?!"

'I know you can make this project go. That's why I call you 'The Magic Motor'.'

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

'Charles Frederick and Camilla Gladys!'

"Costs have risen by 200% and we are behind schedule. We are living up to our acronym gentlemen and I am not happy about it!!"

What really became of the boy named Sue.

His real name is Jasper Underwood Farthington III...but we just call him 'Stinky'.

Books: Names That Will Make Your Child Hate You!

'My other baby is Mercedes'

Dear Sadie, I'm just an aging Baby-Boomer who still believes in America, and sees all the good around me, but I don't understand why we've become so mean. How can I feel good about us again? Signed, Marlemarion. Great question. There's an easy answer as to how you can feel better about the world. Change your name to something normal! I just don't agree with the @#$% premise that we've gotten mean.

"We're callin' 'im Bill, coz he came at the end of the month"

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

New Age Pit Bull

William Shakespeare Civil Court Judge. Well, you can legally change your name, but it won't make any real difference, Rose.

Mr Long and Miss Short.