New Addition Pillows

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'So what's it like riding in first class?'

Empty box of ideas

"Well, I'm thinking about boarding school. Though I'm not sure they accept adults."

Bright Idea

'With my parents out of the house, I can finally start my long awaited mural project.'

Raised by Dogs

'Yes, sir, what can I do for you?'

"Garbage in, garbage out!"

"So when my dad said I couldn't have a dog..."

'We found you in a cabbage!'

Caveman has a good idea for the wheel.

'So far I've found out the doctor had something to do with it.'

Surprised chicken: 'I know. I can't believe it either.'

'It's going to be a vegan.'

'What's that humming sound?'

"My wife tells me the bee has struck again!"

Family working together

Stork and baby discover scarecrows

"Johnson, you're new here, right? Mind if I pick your brain?"

"I don't get it! They're both diurnal, so why on earth would they bring back from the hospital a baby that's awake all night?"

'No hair or teeth, can't walk or talk - it's hard to believe we're related.'

"Next time, dear, ask me first before you invite a friend over for dinner."

"Congratulations! You've won the bid."

Family sitting on sofa.

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

"Congratulations. It's a litter."

"Sure I'm depressed - now they got me on this geriatric dog food."

"I can hardly wait for him to start leading a life of quiet desperation."

Dummies for Dummies.

'Breasts can be so rude. So often they start without me.'

'He's got your mother's teeth.'

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

Untidy bedroom