Neutering Narrator Gifts

'I've been fixed even though there wasn't anything wrong with me.'

'Don't worry. It's never too hot or never too cold.'

Bird feeding chick that is nesting in a knight's helmet

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'So this is goodbye then!'

"Should we keep the receipt in case of returns."

"Little Lucas doesn't go anywhere without his weighted blanket."

Gullib-Os

'Where my balls go?'

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

"Fuhgettaboutit, Charley. Ya been fixed."

Young Pups In A Chat Room.

'If it's any consolation, I'm having him fixed next week.'

'Tell us about the time you met Charles Darwin, grandad.'

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

#NoJunk

In an alternate universe, characters from the rough draft and finished manuscript of the same novel meet themselves at a cocktail party.

'Anorexia definitely isn't in this girl's vocabulary.'

"I'm the building inspector...that nest okay?"

"Support the head!"

"I'm not surprised that lady's so fat. . . The baby's been blowing her up for hours."

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

"If you kids want to grow up to be writers, it's time we give you something to write about."

"Your ecosystem is pretty well shot, have you considered giving up humans?"

"Narrative play is dead."

"She's had work."

'...when all at once I saw a bunch, a bunch of golden daffodils...no, it still doesn't sound right.'

'Man, look at these young guys! This 'wheel' thing is making them all soft. Next, they'll be using animals to pull themselves around!'

'Great draft. It just needs a little exfoliation.'

Inflated Biography

"You haven’t earned this."

'I'm all into recycling, but I won't miss mom's regurgitation thing one bit!'