Networking Humor Fan Pillows

"I only married him for his blue tick."

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Faster, Georges, faster!

'Alas, poor Yorick, I knew you well. But dude, you're creeping me out, so I gotta un-friend you!'

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

"It better not be any of that over oaked chardonnay."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

The Brothers Grime

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'

10 K Tail-Chase

'We're going to need to find a scapegoat.'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Hang on. Mommy's just checking to see if she's still relevant to the outside world."

'Seriously, in this day and age, how can people still believe in this nonsense that we have evolved from microbes...?'

Trump Poutine

'I really wish you guys would knock that off.'

The Snooze Bar.

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

Beer Parasol.

US Credit: 'I'm down grading your credit rating...'

To encourage patients to take their medication, Dr. Gratner brought in a sketch artist to show them what they will look like in six months without meds.

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

tRUMp, Pirate President

No, I don

'More government surveillance!'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."