Networking Gifts

'Well, this looks like the spot where your bandwidth is getting all clogged up.'

The party, after you left

'Nice to see you again. We must do ants sometime.'

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

Professional Couples

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'There's someone here I'd like you to meet. He's very well-connected.'

"It's too easy to lose a business card. A rubber stamp, you'll remember."

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

"I had hoped the extroverts would talk to the introverts, but they're just talking to each other."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

The key to landing a good job is patience, persistence and timing. And networking.

Mergers or acquisitions.

Dave finally figured a way of overcoming his fear of talking to people at networking events.

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'I love our nights in together, just you, me and our 756 friends.'

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

'Gentlemen, our social media strategy is simple: the more time our marketeers spend on Twitter, the less harm they can do elsewhere.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Hey, it's good to finally put a face to the obnoxious emails."

Businessman with multiple diplomas - "Do you think you can buy me some competencies too, Dad?"

The Government is now following you...

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

Paranoia vs Social Currency.

"Hi. I'm, I'm, I'm... You'll have to forgive me, I'm terrible with names."

Me/Mine/I-me/I/Myself...

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I miss your exhibit?"

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

Man excluded from a group of other men.

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"Nowadays, it's all about who you know, not what you know."

"A handshake and a high five - I can't see this merger working."

"Nice to meet you. You must excuse me I'm still suffering from jet lag."