Networking Gifts

'Well, this looks like the spot where your bandwidth is getting all clogged up.'

The party, after you left

'Nice to see you again. We must do ants sometime.'

"I've learned a lot in sixty-three years. But, unfortunately, almost all of it is about aluminum."

Professional Couples

'Before we start, shall we go round the table, and each share our name and a horrible dark secret from our past.'

'There's someone here I'd like you to meet. He's very well-connected.'

"It's too easy to lose a business card. A rubber stamp, you'll remember."

At the printers - "Business is booming I need 6 more business cards, ASAP."

"I'm sorry, but I can't hire you. I typed your name in on a search engine, and lazy, selfish, and unmotivated were the categories that came up."

"I had hoped the extroverts would talk to the introverts, but they're just talking to each other."

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

The key to landing a good job is patience, persistence and timing. And networking.

Dave finally figured a way of overcoming his fear of talking to people at networking events.

Mergers or acquisitions.

'I love our nights in together, just you, me and our 756 friends.'

"Your resume is excellent, but your Facebook lacks the imagination we want in a new employee."

'Everything is in the Cloud.'

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"Hey, it's good to finally put a face to the obnoxious emails."

"Hi. I'm, I'm, I'm... You'll have to forgive me, I'm terrible with names."

Businessman with multiple diplomas - "Do you think you can buy me some competencies too, Dad?"

'Beasley, you're a good communicator, look down the table and make eye contact for me!'

Me/Mine/I-me/I/Myself...

"Oh, I'm sorry, did I miss your exhibit?"

"I don't think the guy with the business-card cannon has ever been to an actual networking event,"

Over enthusiastic headhunter

"Nowadays, it's all about who you know, not what you know."

'Of course my income didn't really take off until I left tele-marketing and got into insurance fraud.'

"Agreed then-I won't network you if you don't network me."

"A handshake and a high five - I can't see this merger working."

'We no longer look at résumés. We go straight to your Facebook page.'

"New York are at Lunch, Munich are at Coffee and Tokyo are at Lunch."

"Nice to meet you. You must excuse me I'm still suffering from jet lag."

'Human Error .. Yet Again.'