Neighborhood Mediator T-Shirts

'Did we do something to upset the neighbors?'

'Normally I'd be optimistic that we could work out a little problem like this.'

Agatha! That clothesline is an aesthetic crime! We're in West Fester historic district. Your flapping underwear doesn't fit in! How do you think our ancestors dried their clothes, Prudence? I'll see you at the next town meeting. My underwear is as historic as it gets.

Blower wars.

Snow Plowing

"Bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark bark" "Fwd: fwd: fwd: bark bark bark bark"

"Don't you think you're taking this whole, 'neighbourhood watch' thing a little too serious, dear?"

Cat and Broom

'Do you realize he barked all last night?'

Planner at work.

"Now do you believe me that your snoring wakes up the whole neighborhood?"

Bert launches his plan to increase property values: Annoyance Free Zone - No politicians, media, pundits, or mimes beyond this point.

"Me, I love vacuuming: it makes the dog next door barking mad! Works every time..."

David Cameron: 'Is there a volunteer in the house?'

'John... is that a collar?'

'This is Ed down the street. Your dog is doing his business on my lawn again.'

"I walk into their yard every few days and knock over their trash. How do you know the Johnsons?"

'Your neighbor wanted me to break up a wild party, but actually, I find this a congenial affair,'

Interrupted Shower.

'Good morning, Mr. Miller. I'll cut your grass for ten dollars.'

'Such a friendly new neighbour, Cecil - we've been invited to something called a rave-up tonight!'

"Don't worry about him. It's all a bluff."

'Yes...in retrospect I DO regret not protesting against the new by-pass'

'Keep yapping: The neighbour is red in the face and ready to explode...'

'Yes of course he can borrow my lawn mower just as long as he only uses it in my garden...'

"Hey mister, your dogs have been chasing the neighborhood kids on bikes."

'Hello, I've just moved in next door. Can I borrow some sugar please?'

Racism Has A Short Fuse.

"Look lady, I told you before; anything over one-hundred pounds you gotta take to the dump yourself."

"Yes, of course you can borrow Gerald's lawnmower, but only if you take him too."

'We bought thinking we'd enjoy being only a stone's throw from the playground.'

Picking overhanging fruit.

"You got another letter from the neighborhood association..."

Rose Bowl Lawsuit

"Yes, Frank's a slob, Mary...but I doubt that's why aliens haven't used your landing pad!"