Needle-phobic Patient Gifts

'Time for your pills.'

Traditional vs alternative medicine.

'No no!! Not that one... The BIG one on the top shelf!!'

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

'Well, that WAS an impressive string of obscenities, but I think I'll stick with the Hippocratic oath.'

Acupuncture clinic

Acupuncturist Society Cocktail Party - 'For heaven's sake, Brian, it's only a pineapple chunk!'

"And that was just your sudoku chart."

'Where'd he go, nurse?'

"Look, Papi...you need to take care of yourself. You don't have to be macho and proud and scared of being weak!"

'Only one side effect - colossal pain...'

'We dicovered that this cures hypochondria without administering it.'

Acupressure Gauge

'You and your aversion to needles!'

'This is a pick 'n' mix ward - you choose your own medicine.'

Acupunture Clinic opens next to a Ballon Animal shop.

'I keep getting this RINGING in my ears!'

"I know you're just trying to be helpful, but why don't you let me decide where my acupunture needles should go?"

CLINIC, 'Are you worried about passing your blood test?', 'Heck, no -- anybody can BLEED.'

'You had to get shots? I couldn't stand that. I hate needles!'

'You're just going to feel a little pinch, then a horrific burning pain, your eyes will roll back into your head, you will drool uncontrollably...'

Acupuncture darts.

"Why are you hurting me? I didn't hurt you."

'And a couple more should relieve your back-pain Sir...'

'On the plus side, the unbelievable pain following the injection is comparatively short-lived.'

'Doctor, do you realize that's the third porcupine this week to faint at the sight of a needle?'

Porcupine Acupuncture

"Have you tried acupuncture. . .?"

'Enough acupuncture - get me a couple of aspirin.'

"The doctor is ready to maltreat you now!"

Man in hospital hitting golf balls into a bedpan.

Knitting ball

'I don't like needles: You'll catch me if I faint, won't you doc?'

"Yesterday it was the other side, but today the side effect is this side..."

"I couldn't agree more - but, then again, I hate even non-lethal injections."