Necktie Novice Gifts

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'I can't figure out why I keep getting wind knots.'

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

'I did not say there was a miss in the motor, I said the motor was missing.'

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'He wears a necktie like he means it.'

"Triple whammy."

My First Boat

"Here's a good spot, Hon."

"Beginner's luck."

Ted picks the wrong day to wear his novelty tie.

"What's my collar size?"

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

“It’s ok to leave the lid up at home but not on a submarine.”

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

Pandemic Orphans

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

SS Superhero

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

Set Sail

'You just continue to grow.'

"Wow! Gramps was REALLY happy to get all those neckties for Father's Day!"

'Hereafter you sew your own buttons on your suits of armor. This is the tenth needle I've ruined tonight.'

'No, thanks. You'll never get me into one of those.'