Necktie Novice Gifts

"I've been promoted from barbarian pillager to management. Do you know how to tie a neck tie?"

'Luxury cruise you said!'

'I can't figure out why I keep getting wind knots.'

"Sorry, but I don't know how to tie a Reef Knot. Give me a simple project, like building a computer."

'I did not say there was a miss in the motor, I said the motor was missing.'

"Gee, I'm awfully sorry!"

'Don't try to turn tail and run. That's just what they want.'

Brad Pitt.

"This is my first book, but if I like it I may buy another in the near future."

'He wears a necktie like he means it.'

"Triple whammy."

Look, dork, I won't ask again. Will you help me use a computer? Maybe. What for? Internet Scrabble. I hear it is possible to play – what is the word? Online? I should like to send data over cyberspace. Through cyberspace.

My First Boat

"Here's a good spot, Hon."

Ted picks the wrong day to wear his novelty tie.

'Well we don't have to worry about paying for the boat anymore.This is our final notice.'

"What's my collar size?"

"Beginner's luck."

'I'd join Twitter, but I'm worried I'll make a hash of it.'

Pandemic Orphans

'Ere Bert, what do I do with a lady who wants an each way bet on the boat race?'

“It’s ok to leave the lid up at home but not on a submarine.”

BOOKSHOP, 'We're pushing our do-it-yourself kit today, sir -- a ream of paper and a dozen pencils.'

'You may well, Ms. Ferris, one day write a 'Fifty Shades of Grey' bonkbuster, but today your account is one shade of red.'

I really hope the agent likes my submission... - '' - 'This is perfect.' - '' - 'Absolutley perfect.'

'Exactly which school of acupuncture are you from?'

"Of course he's not our son. You wanted me to change the baby, didn't you?"

Set Sail

Boating Supplies. Sale. Ernie, just tell the customers that the prices are very good --- Don't say buying one of these is a "huge oar deal."

'You just continue to grow.'

SS Superhero

'It's not as easy as it looks.'

"Wow! Gramps was REALLY happy to get all those neckties for Father's Day!"

'No, thanks. You'll never get me into one of those.'

"Getting the hang of it?"