Neatnik Gifts

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

Britney was one of those OCD strippers.

Let's get organized

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"Now I really hate poetry."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

Sweep the board.

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

"By labeling it, I control it."

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

Save the whales. . . Save the pandas. . . Save the planet.

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

Gloat

The real reason why flamingos are pink

Pregnant Panda at Edinburgh Zoo: 'Congratulations, Wilkinshaw...'

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

'If only Darwin could have seen this.'

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

"Yo, this should be a two."

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."