Neatnik Pillows

'Do you have any skills other than knowing how to keep a tidy desk?'

Despite some overgrown lawns, the neighborhood is terrific. For sale. The seller's yard is meticulously tended. Imagine letting him play here everyday! Just treated with pesticide.

Britney was one of those OCD strippers.

Let's get organized

'According to our statistics department, 78.93 of the statistics they produce are worthless.'

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

"Now I really hate poetry."

Math 101, for those who can only count to 100.

Happy Holidays from Sanitary Claus!

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'They make remarkably clean pets.'

'You're right. Our old safety files have become a safety concern.'

The Age of Reptiles. . .

Sweep the board.

'Is there any chance at all I could get you to stop leaving your pantyhouse laying around?!'

"I always like to clear my desk off for the weekend."

"It's a smart hamper that sucks up clothes. My mom claims I leave my clothes on the floor, so she has it follow me wherever I go."

"By labeling it, I control it."

Passed over at the Inaugural Poetry Audition

"Let's get married, Miss Harris, and have 2.8 children!"

"Hey, that's disgusting! You can't leave that on the footpath: Make sure your master comes and picks it up!"

Save the whales. . . Save the pandas. . . Save the planet.

'...so if we can save enough maybe, just maybe, next year we'll be migrating courtesy of British Airways.'

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

Gloat

'The deficit doesn't look nearly so bad now that we've switched to Arabic numerals.'

He doesn't howl at the moon. He prefers to howl into the void.

'If only Darwin could have seen this.'

"Have you been using 'Vanish' again?"

The real reason why flamingos are pink

"I'm afraid you need knee surgery."

Pregnant Panda at Edinburgh Zoo: 'Congratulations, Wilkinshaw...'

Teacher: 'As an adult you'll probably only use a quarter of what you're taught at school - which brings us to fractions.'

'I would love to be more energetic, but there is nothing I can do: It's a genetic condition...'

An Everyday Explanation of the Federal Budget.