Navigating Unrequited Love Pillows

Dating Do's and Don'ts

I haven't been down there since last Valentine's day. I want to check on a couple who asked me to rekindle their romance. A year ago I told them that thanks to me they'd be spending more time together and less time at their offices. I said I'd make it so they'd have lots of nights at home ordering some take-out and watching a movie. They must be very happy with me. All I did was shoot an arrow of love, but apparently they think I caused some sort of pandemic to happen!

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

Snub Marine

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

Augmented reality check

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

'So, you're married to my ex-husband?'

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Right, how can I help you?'

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"

'THERE'S my mojo.'

"He was that needy, he actually asked me on a second date."

'This is the fourth single woman to attack the Valentine's display this week.'

"But the restraining order was totally temporary."

Man watches 'It's a Wonderful Life,' alone.

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

"Sometimes I get the feeling your 'ex' is still in the picture."

"My wife can't make it tonight, she's on a date."

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

"Useless lot... every time she finds Mr Right he says she's Mrs Wrong."

Sue meets another Winner

'Why does she torment me?'

"When I said it would be sexy if you were more ANIMAL in bed... I was thinking of a tiger!"

'Am I your first blind date?'

"I'm dating a squash champion."

'It's not a fix-up! You'll see! There's no one you'd even remotely be interested in!'

'It's me!! - 'You were the fir with the curly hair, I was the old man in the dirty mac. . .'.'

"If you just used your eyes you'd see plenty of men!"

No Mum, I'm not gonna marry him...once she's dead I won't have to deal with this crap. Oh god, what am I thinking?