Navigating Unrequited Love Pillows

Dating Do's and Don'ts

'You used to make love to me like a Flying Scotsman, now you're more like a Puffing Billy!'

"But honey. . . he's just not our kind!"

"You've reached Randy, the dating doctor. What ails you?"

Snub Marine

"I knew Mary would dump me when my fleece got a little gray."

"It's time to bring in the wax begonias and your mother."

'You're afraid of commitment, aren't you?'

'You asked her to go out with you?', 'Yes, but she says there's a lengthy approval process.'

Augmented reality check

'Dear Dairy, Well... I met someone, and I think she could be Mrs. Alright.'

'So, you're married to my ex-husband?'

She hated first dates. She always ended up sounding desperate.

'Right, how can I help you?'

'THERE'S my mojo.'

"Careful Nora. There's nothing worse than a bad oyster!"

"But the restraining order was totally temporary."

"If Neil could only be half the man he is in his texts..."

"My wife can't make it tonight, she's on a date."

'I do still love you, Morton, but there's a subtext.'

"Sometimes I get the feeling your 'ex' is still in the picture."

"When I said it would be sexy if you were more ANIMAL in bed... I was thinking of a tiger!"

"Useless lot... every time she finds Mr Right he says she's Mrs Wrong."

Sue meets another Winner

'Why does she torment me?'

'Am I your first blind date?'

"I'm dating a squash champion."

'It's not a fix-up! You'll see! There's no one you'd even remotely be interested in!'

"If you just used your eyes you'd see plenty of men!"

No Mum, I'm not gonna marry him...once she's dead I won't have to deal with this crap. Oh god, what am I thinking?

'It's me!! - 'You were the fir with the curly hair, I was the old man in the dirty mac. . .'.'