Nature Ponderers T-Shirts

"I just think it's worth questioning -- are we mating for life because we want to, or because we've been socialized by all those nature documentaries?"

God not-too-happy with the Humans sticking a 'Closing DOWN Sale!' sign on planet Earth

"Space is curved and time is relative? Yeah, OK...I'm calling you a cab right now, buddy."

"Do you think there's intellegent life in there?"

"I'm learning to live with existence."

Ten Commandments

'As I recall you were the one who told him that he couldn't take it with him.'

'There must be some way we can capitalize on that damn boson.'

"Why do people talk about a rat's nest like it's a bad thing?"

"Imagine There's No Heaven. It's Easy If You Try..."

"Great, now we're lost."

"And, yet another plus, it will block out the sun's harmful ultraviolet rays from a considerable portion of the city."

'...and please God, protect the social security fund for another sixty years.'

'One day this will all be yours.'

"Genetic engineering has made us disease resistant."

Off to a bad start.

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

"What's so galling is that you don't even realize how Earthist you are."

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Entomology. Ant Colony. Ants must worry about their work-life balance.

"The arc of the moral universe."

Philosophy of Forestry: 'How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Walt? Roger? Steve? Anyone?'

'Revolution? I thought you creatures said you wanted Evolution!'

"An equation for your thoughts?"

"Nobody wants to hear our stories about death from natural causes."

'You know what I really miss? -- living dangerously.'

'The rot set in when I started doing these things in my own image - my early stuff was better.'

'Have you ever thought that being damned for all eternity to a lake of eternal fire might mask a deeper problem?'

"I gave him a public education Artie ol' boy. . . you should know by now that government schools are one of my best minion corporations!"

"Well...this constant badness is just sooo wearisome...."

Beaver looking at the Hoover dam thinking 'You've got to be kidding me.'

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'Well, so much for that round-earth theory of yours, smart guy.'

"If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?"

'Life is like a cheap steak...it's tough.'