Nature-loving Gourmand Pillows

'The TZ90C with triple boosted propane burners and a titanium mesh grill with carbon fibre casings is the only way to guarantee that genuine back to nature outdoor flavour.'

"Isn't it great to get out of the kitchen and cook in the fresh air!"

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

Holiday Supplies

Civilized Salmon

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Join me for dinner?

Haute Chinese

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

'Is it organic?'

'Pass the grey stuff.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

Sawdust.

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."