Nature Humourist Pillows

"Hi Honey, I'm home"

'It's not your hosta plant the snails come back for �' it's the fairground thrills you keep giving them'

"I said the males were 'evolving' – I didn't say they were 'maturing.'"

'If Earwigs looked like baby seals:'

'Go on, Andy, it's high time anteaters learned size isn't everything!'

'Hang on a minute: What does 'IVF' mean?!'

'Darling - I think it's time to stop feeding the birds.'

Try me/try me/try me...

"Walking erect is very trendy now."

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

'That's one hell of a cat-flap Harry. You must have a big cat, heh, heh.'

Yet another law of the jungle: 'Absolutely NO howling at the moon after 11 PM!

Grizzly bears are gregarious animals.

"Chomp... Chomp... Curry Tree..."

Burmese pythons discussing a complete invasion.

'I hate to say I told you so, Larry, but that's why you check your car for bears before you put on your seatbelt.'

"Get out of my face!"

'My goodness,Ralph,let him have it.It's only a measly old meal worm.'

"Jeepers, I didn't know anything could gets so hot!"

"...and she said 'MOO!'"

'Pray for me.'

"I'm fascinated by body language."

"Did you just do a rooster?"

Slug Bait- snails love it

"Peach fuzz. How does a nectarine know when it reaches puberty?"

Penguin

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'We have Vanilla, Chocolate and Strawberry on your choice of Cedar, Oak or Elm cone...'

"Toadstool you say? No, this is snailstool now!"

"Do you think the birds like me?"

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"So, I've heard you call yourself 'King of the Jungle'! Based on what criteria exactly?"

"Promise me that if I die first you won't eat me."