National Humor Month Gifts

'It reminds me of the Statue of Liberty. I see the tired, poor, and huddled masses.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Billy. The Kid.

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

Aggression/Security

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

ROBOT EMPLOYMENT AGENCY, 'We don't have much on hand right now --how'd you like to be a Pez dispenser?'

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'Sir, I've got a computer to avoid a giant mess but unfortunately I can't find the computer in this giant mess!'

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

Wall Street...

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

"Boss, can you check the address again? I have a bad feeling about this one."

"His tests show he has a latex allergy."

"Hey, Zorro! You forgot your mask."

Cat has unraveled Santa's suit

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'I hear we're beginning to cut back to half weeks.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

An inbox and an 'out and about' box

I rest my case, your honor, in celebration of "Casual Defense Friday." ! !

'Hey Dave, check out the kinky underwear this chick is taking on her trip!'

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

"..and you'll also need Percy here, his interpreter"

'Too much hazel, not enough nut.'

"Wake up, Jane! There's a giant talking squirrel at the end of your bed!"