National Humor Month Gifts

'It reminds me of the Statue of Liberty. I see the tired, poor, and huddled masses.'

'So let me see if I've got it straight. It was a very large squirrel and your husband is a nut.'

Desk trays - 'in', 'out', and 'one of these days'.

Billy. The Kid.

"Been following me around all morning. I think it's the new intern."

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."

'Your thesis on 'how to keep warm in winter'? Interesting.'

Aggression/Security

"I've outlived my conventional and alternative doctors."

"You really clean up on these mileage deductions, don't you."

You realize, Harris, if you LIVED here, you'd be home by now.

'Leap frog? No thanks- I'm a toad.'

"Today's special is we'll pull the plug on the jukebox if someone else's music annoys you."

'Sir, I've got a computer to avoid a giant mess but unfortunately I can't find the computer in this giant mess!'

'It's not Spring yet! Go back to sleep!'

''Exercise'? -- But I hate to eat and run!'

"Damn! Just as my inertia was starting to build up momentum."

"What's this? Now we have to hunt, gather and collate?"

"Boss, can you check the address again? I have a bad feeling about this one."

"His tests show he has a latex allergy."

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

Cat has unraveled Santa's suit

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'I hear we're beginning to cut back to half weeks.'

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

An inbox and an 'out and about' box

"Such a heavenly night I spent in your bed."

"..and you'll also need Percy here, his interpreter"