National Celebrations Gifts

Go Britain!

Royal Wedding on TV: 'His bottom drawer.'

Lesbian civil partnership.

Mardi Gras

"He's taken buzzed to a whole new level."

'I can't force jocose if I'm not feeling it.'

'Oh my God. I love it!'

Bacchus.

"Thanks to my wedding planner, everyone in the wedding is still talking to each other."

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Peephole in a pile of presents (colour).

'Sooner or later, someone at the party will hand you a sandwich and a glass of wine - then what?'

"Oh, we're not religious. We only go on the solstices and equinoxes."

Dancing Doctor

'That'll be four twenty for the beers and sixty quid for the Xmas decorations.'

Wedding Day Itinerary.

"Happy St Patrick’s Day"

Bubbly

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

Cardiac Recovery.

Elfie Stick

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"You do realize his ‘nose so bright’ is going to attract a horde of Defense Department drones."

Christmas in the Fish Bowl

Dick was the kind of guy who wanted everyone to know it was his birthday.

"Hic. Gosh and begorrah!" "Wha?"

"Blow out the candles!" "Make a wish!" "I wish I had my testicles back."

'Apparently the stag party has gone into extra time.'

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Dancing in pyjamas

"I ask that today is a good day...a day that brings family together...to show how we need one another."

"Fred's had too much to drink - now he's hitting on that old coat rack."

"Let's save a few so we can continue to piss off the neighbors for the next few weeks."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Attention, everyone! Here comes Poppa, and we're going to drive dull care away! It's quips and cranks and wanton wiles, nods and becks and wreathed smiles."