Narrator Gifts

Erudite Dysfunction

Unreliable Narrator

"You must believe me, Jane. I have excellent narrative skills."

"I hope they read the fine print that the audiobook is to be voiced by Morgan Freeman."

The Captain's a great storyteller. We call him "Narrative Hook"!

Inflated Biography

Announcement

"Of course he's smiling. He's getting $15,000 to give a lecture on free speech."

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Characters jumping out of a book.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

'I'll give your note to my parents but our family policy is to never negotiate with terrorists.'

"This is a great school but it wasn't my first choice."

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

"Dad, can we have a bedtime narrative?"

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"You're on a low sodium diet so watch the salty talk."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

This new writer we've got is really working out, dear. I feel reinvigorated! Like someone's breathed new life into me! Why, I feel like anything can happen now! Like we can do things that are out of the ordinary! things we almost never do. I said Not tonight, dear.

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

'Ships plumber reporting for duty.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

William Pitt the Elder