Narcissistic Novelty Seeker Gifts

Autobiographer holds up a mirror to his face.

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

"Don't worry about your purchase not working. Everything we sell here is totally non-functional."

"I warned you not to use that club...now look, you struck oil!"

King Henry and his Cheshire bride

Turd - 'It's one of a kind.'

Raincloud Umbrella

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

'What clan do you belong to?'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Crap from the future.

'You're a genius, Hoppy!'

Vending machine: NO stress, only 50 cents.

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

Cloning Dept. Ooh! She's got your eyes and nose, mouth...

Clyde in his 'egg-beater.'

Honest Vending

Useless add-ons.

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

Cash Machines From Across the Land

"We used up our planet's energy source and we're here to hijack yours. Where do you keep all your coffee?"

'Sorry, Frank, I know this is your favourite lake, but I just can't eat fish who smoke cigarettes.'

'No, I didn't know it was hunting season - why do you ask?'

'Don't you think it's just a little weird to have a cemetery for houseplants?!'

Mohammad's motors

"Tragic case of having the fridge from the TV when the World Cup is showing."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

"I'm still not sure if we've hired a creative genius or a complete cretin."

"You like long walks in electrical storms too? Wow! We get a charge out of the same things."

Pirate playing pool using his artificial leg as a pool stick.

"My parents won't allow sugar in the house, so I've had to learn about it on the street."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

Scrooge is visited by the ghost of prehistoric past.

Toenail clipping missile.